I tend to write really really long texts posts and not publish them. I think they’re crappy or sappy or dumb or weird most of the time. I’d be surprised if this got published.
I’m a really fluid writer, I don’t really know if I’m good. I write ‘professionally’ and I’m good in my writing class, but just like the rest of my creative pursuits I think everything is crap. You’re your biggest critic. It’s just that it seems like I’m my biggest critic and the rest of the world is pretty harsh too.
Against my better judgement, I stayed up way too late again. I read Childish Gambino’s script for Because The Internet and it was a downer. It was fantastic, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t uplifting at all.
There’s a music video for “The Wrong Guys” too that was shot at a beach my friends and I would go to and have bonfires. I could tell you how to get there. It was mentioned in the script but to see everyone having a good time in the video, it got me down. I’m not happy where I’m at. It shows in my music. It shows it my unkempt hair. It shows it my apathy towards anything in my life right now that isn’t Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.
It’s snowing outside and I’m still not used to it. I’m not used to clinging to each degree of warmth in my gloves and in my beanie. Or a toboggan. They’re called toboggans in some places.
I have a friend who works at Nickelodeon as a producer and I asked him for a job and he got back to me and now I’m waiting for a second response. I’d lose my shit if I started working at Nickelodeon. That’s the dream, man. End of line. Done. No more Oregon. No more free time, but in my expirence, free time = sadness. Valueless. Maybe that’ll change when I’m older.
I’ve been so upset and so angry all the time. I feel like I’m losing control. Like there’s a space growing between me and reality and I can’t stop it.
It’s no use getting upset over things you can’t control. But then again, your life is in your hands?
My favorite thing in the world is when someone calls or texts me or says hi. Even the most insignificant gesture of hello mean absolutely everything to me. I appreciate the synapses in the brain that has to go on. Someone is thinking of you and they wanna do something about it. It’s kinda beautiful. I guess it’s not a particularly infrequent thing, but the thrill and the tightrope walk in the sky that takes place in your brain when you’re talking on the phone hasn’t worn off for me yet. Walking around while you’re on the phone, walking in straight lines on the edges of the sidewalk, trying to keep balance of what you’re saying and on the icy edge of concrete.
I’m gonna try to go to bed now, I think I can publish this. I usually get some sort of flack for what from some people. I post but this might be okay. It’s kinda smart. It’s kinda interesting. I have no patience and no use for side accounts or personal blogs because this is my personal blog.
Don’t forget to say hello.
David Tennant talking to an 11 year old fan, Nathan, on Absolute Radio
Real actual tears good morning everyone
I have an idea son, why don’t we drive to the nearest cliff and see if the law of gravity applies to you.
What. A. Fuck. I feel terrible for ever supporting this twat.